A Work In Progress

I don’t know why, or where it comes from, but I have always had a personal obsession with completion. Is it just me? I don’t know where it comes from—society, our human nature, the American philosophy—but I think we all somewhat seek that, for endings and no lose ends. We all really want things to feel settled.

But isn’t there beauty in the process? Someone I just met reminded me that life is a journey to which you never arrive. And if you think of it is a journey, you’re not disappointed by not “arriving.”

I don’t know about you, but for me the summer flew by! I thought by the end I’d have so much “completed,” but one season really just transitions into the next and life doesn’t stop. This summer, I hoped to experience what post-grad life would be like: to work part-time and do my music outside of that. I didn’t realize I had made expectations for myself until they were broken. And I knew it would be a learning process, but I thought by the end of the summer, I would have “arrived.” But the biggest thing I realized is that I am still a work in progress. And I still have so much to learn.

I had three major goals this summer to move forward in: putting media online, performing regionally, and recording my EP! I did move forward in all of these areas, but not nearly in the ways that I had expected. And in a way that is beautiful, because even though I didn’t end up where I thought I would, I learned so much along the way. Here are some highlights from my summer!

Performances

I started out the summer by making an exhaustive list of open mics in the major cities of Colorado—Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, Colorado Springs, Littleton, and various mountain towns. And I never made it to all of them, but I narrowed it down. Some of my favorites were The Stargazer’s Theater in the Springs, Connor O’Neill’s in Boulder, Swallow Hill and Pickin’ On Tennyson in Denver, Cannon Mine Coffee in Lafayette, and Highland’s Cork in Denver. In just a few weeks, I established connections that gave me opportunities throughout the summer to perform and network.

Check out some YouTube Videos from Pickin' On Tennyson here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY93v_c4CBE

At Swallow Hill, I met Stina Lan who introduced me to a producer she was interning for and visited a few open mics with me (she is awesome! Check her out: http://www.facebook.com/StinaLan). I also met Steve Rothenberg, who is an incredibly talented guitarist and composer, and who recruited me to play at Blueberries Coffee Shop in Littleton a few times, including last Friday! I met Calvin Weatherall at Pickin’ on Tennyson’s open mic and got invited to play at the Freedom Festival—which was interrupted by only a minor flash flood…it was unforgettable J. I also got invited to join the Songwriters Circle at Christ Covenant Community Church with Pete Buchwald and Ben Rogers (Ben is ridiculous, Check it out: www.facebook.com/benrogers)!

But my favorite performance this summer was at the Erie Farmer’s Market. Plus, everyone gave me free stuff for playing! Hehe. Everyone seemed so grateful for my music that day and gave me a bunch of free produce—I got an iris bulb, a fresh golden delicious apple, and an opportunity for a private gig.

First Presbyterian Church of Boulder allowed me to use their sanctuary and amazing sound system to pre-release several songs from my new CD with a full band of my talented friends, Joe Cutshall (I loove his music! http://www.facebook.com/joecutshallmusic ) Conor DeFehr and David Barnes!) and so much good promo and media came from that—plus we rocked the house! I also played the Oriental Theater later the same evening through a crazy turn of events!

But in between shows, I met two homeless men outside of the church and I think it changed my life. I played them a few of my songs, and it was the first time someone saw through my music and into my soul. The words they spoke and prayed over me were life-changing. My goal with my songs is truly to change lives, and one man in particular, Onesimus, showed me that through my music, I can both minister and encourage others with what I do.

One of the best parts of the summer was definitely the UMS Music Festival! On Friday, I volunteered at the Skylark Lounge, and on Saturday at the Irish Rover. On Sunday, I got to see my friends perform, including Megan Burtt and JJ Mattot and the Artic, plus awesome performers like Nathaniel Rateliff and Rob Drabkin. It was unforgettable. I met so many awesome people from super talented artists to local industry professionals and got to enjoy so many diverse local bands.

Recording

The other biggest part of my summer has been working on my upcoming EP release! “Come Running Back” will be officially available on October 26^th for pre-release! I’m so excited! I spent a lot of the beginning of the summer working over the forms of the songs, chords and lyrics with Pete Buchwald (Check him out: http://www.myspace.com/cafeep ). He’s a recording professor from the University of Colorado Denver with incredible producing and songwriting skills who is helping me with this project. We narrowed down the strongest songs and talked over the production, then hired three out-of-this-world local Denver musicians to play on the project: Daren Hahn on drums, Bijoux Barbosa on bass, and Brian Monroney on electric guitar. They knocked my songs out of the park and it was so rewarding to hear my music with their professional and personal touch. We’re now adding the final layers, editing, and mixing it, and can’t wait to bring the first draft to the Durango Songwriters Expo the first weekend of October.

Media

By divine providence, I met an incredibly talented videographer, Claire Kigger (props girl!), who volunteered to shoot a promo video while I was recording at Colorado Sound the next day! We have some awesome footage, and I’m so excited to release the album trailer to you soon!

I’ve also been interning for Megan Burtt and learned so much about using online mediums, services, and social media in an effective way. If you haven’t heard of her, check out her Facebook, she is an awesome role model and beyond talented songwriter (http://www.facebook.com/meganburtt).

Fun

And what about fun?! I did work a lot, but I made it out to Philadelphia with my Mom for a weekend to visit my grandparents, and found myself at the cutest east coast farm stand ever! Check out more photos on my flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/84423818@N03/

I lounged at the People’s Fair 2012 and saw the amazing and ever-inspiring Olivia Reudeen (http://www.facebook.com/oliviarudeen), went to an awesome film showing of Forks Over Knives catered by The Water Course, went to a beautiful wedding in Flagstaff, AZ, and ran a half-marathon in Steamboat! Oh ya, and did I mention I ran the Boulder Bolder in a pink tutu with Special Olypmics?! Way to start it out right! Now I’m just hitting the books in my last year of school.

All things considered, it was a pretty productive summer. I learned that I’m still learning, and I’m ready to keep learning, and to keep pushing forward. I’m still a work in progress—I will always be, but I hope to see the beauty in the process until I find myself at completion.

Keep an eye out for the upcoming release, and enjoy the lingering summer. :)

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens: 

        a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

       a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build, 

       a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

       a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

       a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

       a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

       a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Lessons from the Past

Reliving some "glory days" from our trip to France and Estonia from Summer 2005, when I was still in high school. It was the summer I became a vegetarian! Right before this trip, I picked up a million free pamphlets from PETA at the Warped Tour, and read them right before a huge BBQ rib dinner my Dad made the night before our trip. I was never the same. I spent the two weeks we were travelling trying to decide if I had the will-power to call myself a vegetarian and really live it out with conviction…but by the end, I realized it had already chosen me, and what was done was done. I haven’t wanted meat since.

The whole trip I was also obsessed with capturing the beauty I saw, and most of the photographs I took couldn’t even compare to the real-life. For us, this trip was especially meaningful because it was the first time my brother and I had ever seen Estonia, where my grandmother grew up and narrowly escaped during World War 2 to eventually meet my grandfather in Germany before they returned to America. Estonia is where I got my name, and I am a third generation Kaia in my family. 

It's amazing to look back and see not only who I was, but traces of who I've become so far, and who I am still becoming. When I took these photo, I was just using my natural eye, and following my heart. I didn't know how to edit, and the beauty for me was in the memory. Now, the memory is coming to life as I'm able to see it in a new light, and see my old self in a new light as well. Tracing through these photographs, I remember every moment; where we were, what we were doing, how I felt…and that impresses me! So grateful that a few of these shots turned out to be gems. Here they are for you to enjoy also!

See more on my flickr page.

You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the LORD Numbers 15:39

Day 7,916

"We only have one chance to live every day. And once it comes and goes, it’s gone...And the countdown is unstoppable."

So I was thinking, what if today I found out how many days I have left to live, and what if it wasn’t many? It sounds morbid, but what if I found out I had terminal cancer. Or what if I found out I wouldn’t get sick, but in a certain number of days, I would get in a fatal car-wreck. Of course, everyone thinks about this every once in a while.

Because everyone wants to live every day as if it is their last. And at the same time, no one wants to actually think about the end. It’s so much easier to think what if this was the end—to think about it knowing it’s not a reality, because then we don’t have to take it seriously, it’s just a fantasy. When I consider what I would do, I think to myself, I would drop out of school and I would spend as much time as possible with people, or maybe I’d still go to school, but it wouldn’t be the school that was important. It’s as if all my responsibilities would just disappear and I could do whatever I want, but I’m not sure that would be the case. We wouldn’t suddenly lose all of our responsibilities—no one plans for that kind of news. We would just be forced to prioritize them. And this makes me think, not how would I react if I found out I was going to die soon, but how would I spend my time, and what would become important.

Because if I knew I had a limited time on Earth, it’s not that my priorities would change, because what’s not already important to me that would become important if I knew my life would be ending soon? I think I know what’s important, and I don’t think I need a life-threatening situation to discover it. The difference is, if I really found out that I only had a limited time left to live, I would have to decide what is unimportant.

"The difference is, if I really found out I only had a limited time left to live, I would have to decide what is unimportant."

And it’s funny to think that prioritizing would only be relevant if we were aware of the life countdown that is happening regardless of our knowledge of it. We know that no one can escape death, and sometimes, I think we’d rather just not think about it. But if I found out I was going to die soon, I wouldn’t want to waste any more time, I would want to do something worthwhile. And I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Because most people don’t get a warning. We only have one chance to live every day. And once it comes and goes, it’s gone. Irrevocable. No mulligans. And the countdown is unstoppable.

So what would I do if I found out which day would be my last.

I would get away from everyone for a few days, maybe even before I told them. I would get completely alone for several days, and I would think. I would think about what is important to me and how I should use what time I have left. I would deliberate. I would search for my values. I would probably cry and come to terms with the reality. And I would probably have to let go of many things and accept the reality that I can’t change. And along with that, I would be forced to ask, not only what is important, but what is the point? What is the point of our lives. Of my life.

But why would we wait to ask that until we are forced to? Why would I waste even a moment?

I don’t want to waste anymore time floating. I don’t want to waste any more time getting by. I don’t want to waste any more time looking for the next big thing, for the next beginning or end. I don’t want to waste any more time at all.

So today, I want to start seeking the answers to those questions, and I want to start counting.

Today was day 7,916. Tomorrow, 7,917. And it won’t be a waste.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12