Even though
it’s already almost April, I am still thinking of this as a new year, and a new
season in my life.
Graduating
in May, the future ahead of me feels like a sea of infinite possibilities. This
year already has felt like a new chapter in my life because last summer, I felt
like for the first time, I started pursuing music seriously as a career. But
I’m still making sense of all that has happened during the last five years of
college, and I’m still learning how to be who I want to be. And through that
search, I’m finding how important it is to process the past, because who I’ve
been has deeply influenced who I am now, and who I’m becoming.
I mentioned
last July that I met two homeless men who changed my life after a concert I had
at a church in Boulder. One man’s name was Onesimus and about a month ago, I
found his name in a newspaper. The story read “Before the Lord: Homeless Man
Shares Strife that Led to Current Path.” The article was a beautiful depiction
of a man who had found his purpose in life without pursuing the American dream,
but by becoming a minister among the homeless, even succumbing to homelessness
himself to accomplish his purpose. There’s something incredible about someone
who’s willing to give up the comforts of modern day society by choice: to know
that life has a deeper meaning than the things you own, the reputation you
carry, and the accolades you receive. He blessed me by affirming that my music
has meaning and purpose. Even though I may never see him again, he touched my
life permanently, without material objects, but merely by his presence and his
words. That’s something worth living for.
One thing
that particularly stood out to me from the story was this quote:
“You’re not
truly free from your past until you can be truly thankful for it.”
That means
more coming from someone who had been through child abuse that made him
constantly run away from home, health difficulties including a cancerous tumor,
an unfortunate divorce including four miscarriages, and substance abuse.
Thinking
back on my own life and struggles, which are nothing compared to that, I can’t
even imagine being grateful for them. Especially when something is fresh, it’s
hard to see the bigger picture. But I think he’s right. How can we possibly
accept the things we’ve gone through if we don’t appreciate them. Yet, if we
can find meaning in suffering and see a broader picture of how that has shaped
who we are today, haven’t we conquered it? Isn’t being trapped in regret,
guilt, disappointment and grief only a way that the past clings to us? And
somehow, the answer to this freedom is a gratitude for the struggles that
brought us to the place we are now.
Sometime
after all of his incredible difficulties, he gave his life to Jesus, abandoned
all of his worldly possessions and sold all he had, and has lived homelessly
ever since. Not only has he become grateful for his past, but he’s used it to
give back to those who are facing the same challenges he did. Not only is he
free from his past, he is making the most of it. Day by day, step by step, I
desire to be like him, forsaking the past and allowing myself to be shaped by
my circumstances, trusting all along that it is for the better. And I pray that
someday, I may be equipped to give back the way this man has.
Read the
rest of the story here:
Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to
the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” Matthew
19:20-21
